A Love Letter and Sigh of Relief

To Whom It May Concern,

I am fresh out of material to write about. I have been patiently waiting, with device in hand, ready to start typing the next blog post, and…nothing. C'est la vie. 

Usually, some cosmic source, my higher-power, or a miraculous revelation hits me upside the head, and whammo, an essay appears in my mind that needs to be thrust into the internetsphere. That is not the case this month.

This month does bring a milestone– 42 months without consuming alcohol. That is a special number, 42,…if you are curious, you should Google it. I won't bore anyone with that.

In some ways, I am a little sullen that there is no drama to report, or any breakthroughs that I had not been expecting. Too bad, so sad.

In the last year-and-six months, I have officially quit cigarettes and energy drinks. I never thought that would happen. There is no huge story about it. They just became unappetizing, eventually. 

Other things have lost their appeal as well. Some counterproductive behaviors and relationships have lost their toxic necessity to be in my life. What a relief.

My money is not great, but I am far less angry at it. My physique is not chiseled, but I am more fluid and balanced than I have ever been. My mind is not at Will Hunting levels, but I am not letting it tear me down 24/7 either. 

My new life is not worthy of a cover spread on Time, Men's Health, or Maxim, but I have never loved going to bed on Sunday, or waking up on a Tuesday, as much in my life as I do today.

I have a few non-drinking friends that reach out, and we keep in touch about current events and circumstances. I appreciate the time we share, and space that we allow for each other to grow in our own ways. 

I am attracting new types of people into my life that understand what it means to bring positive energy, and mutual respect to the table.

I see others making moves and changes, and I hear others singing a different tune.

My biggest fear in starting this journey was that I would be less confident, less attractive, and constantly outwardly miserable when I quit drinking. I knew that it was what gave me my confidence and social agility for all of my adult years. It was completely central to my way of life.

I guess I am here to say that those beliefs were total lies I was telling myself. Believing them was killing me…period.

So, I guess I am also here to say that without you, this transformation may not have taken place. Some encouragement in the social media realm is that nice touch on the surface for all to see, but there is a behind the scenes that has a different vibe. Those of you that let me know how much my story has inspired, sparked, and opened up a better you overwhelms me in the most fulfilling way. I love you for your courage, and thoughtful gift of honesty. I love you if you are reflecting and changing privately.

I love you for taking the time to read what has been trying to pour out of me for so long. I love you for being a part of what I needed to change in my life. I love you for not showing up if it didn't feel good or right to you. I apologize if I took it personally. I don't apologize for staying true to myself. 

I love you, because at one time, I did not know how to show love for myself. I do today, and I live it.

I don't know what is next, and that is exciting to me. I don't know who, or where, or why, but I do know that I care about doing the next right thing, and it doesn't matter if someone doesn't. What a sigh of relief.

I love to write, take pictures, hike, cook, camp, fish, golf, dance, and play the same three songs every day on my three guitars, but none of it makes this life happen for me. I give all of that love and credit to the source of love, life, and energy that has been gifted to me in this experience. God has never left me since the first glimpse of light that showed me how special it is to look at the infinite stars, and wade in the endless rivers. 

I have been in terrifying situations that hurt and confused me to the very core of my soul. God was there to tell me it will be alright. Pain is unavoidable. Suffering is inevitable. Fear and shame can consume one's mind, body, and spirit, but when I accepted God's help above all else, I realized there had always been the love I needed within, and I had never been without.

I don't have anything to write about. The pain is fading, the drama is ending, and the fear is gone. So, I write this letter to you to say how much I love you, and appreciate everything you have given to me. I hope someday you write me back. It is okay if you don't feel the same way just yet. 

Sincerely,

Peter

P.S. Can you believe this fucking weather?