Today and Tomorrow: Part 2
It is difficult to explain how the internal dialogue within my mind has changed over the last couple of years. A new vocabulary and warmer tone color the conversation. It feels like the edges have been rounded off of my self-scraping attitude. I let my conscious voice be free, but not able to dominate my subconscious, or deepest-self.
I found my True Self, my True Voice, in the depths. In the beginning, I did not fully understand how I buried that part of me so long ago, but I do know that at one time I believed I should abandon it (Me) for something else. I needed to be something impressive, and important. I thought I could outsmart, outshine, outrun, outfun the storm.
I could not have been more wrong.
4/15….I find my higher-self in daily relationship with the true voice of my being. It does not hide from me. I used to practice covering it with excuses. Today, I am no longer ashamed to bring my true nature forward, because it feels like me.
4/16….I find my higher-self in daily moderate exercise. This develops confidence in my strength, balance, capabilities, and mobility.
4/17.…I find my higher-self in my lifelong friendships. I feel fortunate to have made my best friends before the internet changed all that. Computers may help create and maintain relationships today (I don't take it for granted), but the ones that were formed without social media's influence are pure gold. I don't want to take that for granted.
4/18….I find my higher-self enjoying the fruit, and the juice, of my labor.
4/19….I find my higher-self in listening to and honoring what my higher-self is communicating. Trusting my instincts is next level for me. Believing that I am always "right" is not the same thing as trusting my instincts. Claiming authority and control is egotistical and backwards. Trusting my instincts guides me to calm waters.
4/20….I find my higher-self in developing a relationship with my higher-power.
Which friend or family member do I trust the most? All of them equally, because I trust my higher-power first. I don't need to set myself up for disappointment, or put too much pressure on anyone to be trustworthy. People are human, and show to what level they can trust, or want to be trusted. It is much more effective for me when I put faith in God to guide my actions and decision making.
I used to be blind to poison ivy, because I was too fixated on wildflowers. Now, I see better from a wiser distance. Wildflowers can reveal a stinger any time my nose gets too close.
Today, I find strength in building this relationship. It is like having a best friend with no ulterior motives.
4/21….I find my higher-self in reading and writing. The expression of the written word allows my mind to continue the flow. Like an inhale and exhale, reading and writing exchanges old ideas for new.
4/22…I find my higher-self in music. Songs travel with us. The beat, the rhythm, the melody. Settle into harmony. Sing with the wind, and the birds.
4/23….I find my higher-self in facing the dark and challenging parts of my character. I give them notice. I give them space to breathe. I prepare to let them go. When it's time…it's time, and through preparation there is less to grieve in transition.
4/24….I find my higher-self in safe places on the other side of trauma. There are layers beyond memory and meaning. Go slow, go true.
4/25…. I find my higher-self in seeing a job through to completion. I procrastinate. I forget. And I don't want to do it everyday. Eventually, I accept the overall benefit of finishing something. It is easy to get addicted to starting something, and then drop the ball to see who will pick it up. It is better to get comfortable with scoring the ball.
4/26….I find my higher-self in developing my emotional maturity. It builds my character. Creating balance helps maintain composure and momentum by being non-reactive. Confidence to act on positive gut instincts is powerful.
4/27….I find my higher-self in my dreams while I sleep. I used to have high-anxiety dreams, and dreams that showed how much shame I was harboring for myself.
Last night, a dream came through a vision of the old life. A sea of false love. Unbreathable air. I could not get out of the crowd. A door appeared.
I was alone, for just a moment, before I was joined by The True One in a quiet room. It was real for more than just a moment. I walked into The Sun with my spirit free.
4/28….I find my higher-self in my routine. I go to the gym to pray, meditate, and let go of self-defeat. Getting in some stretch and exercise just happens as a byproduct. Before, during, and after, I write down what arises out of my "gym sessions" that needs attention, or captures my attention.
4/29….I find my higher-self in being responsible for how I feel about myself. I am not responsible for other people's opinions, or self-esteem. I can, and should, live by example, not display.
It is far better for me to let go of what is not working, than to juggle the expectations of others. I do not have to prove I am a good person by pleasing individual “needs” in the crowd. If I am truly confident in my motivation to create my own joy, then there is space available to help others without being taken advantage of.
4/30….I find my higher-self in forgiveness. If another's way works for them, that's great. If we get in each other's way, then I know I can go another direction. I can avoid their turf. I have found what is working for me, and my higher-self. The energy is creative. I would like to see that my turf is green enough, and serene. I am looking forward to see how the colors fill in.
