Unexpected and Revealing
This is my final blog for Second Wind. I must have arrived at the point that I wanted to reach, even though I don't know where that is, and I do not plan on settling where I am at.
I know that I have reached a higher sense of self-worth during this process, even though, as a customer once pointed out, I am not a millionaire, and probably never will be. For their astute observation, I am grateful. I have so much more than money in the bank, and that's none of their business anymore either.
It has meant so much to me that I was allowed and encouraged to keep sharing through my website. My style is not for everyone, and I appreciate any feedback you gave along the way.
What was so unexpected was that I didn't need to change who I was at my core, hopefully nobody really does, but when I started this process I wasn't sure. I felt so far away from myself and reality that I didn't know what I needed to do, or even how to begin.
What was so revealing was that I was holding onto what needed to be let go, and through that action everything began to change on its own. Immaturity is only one perspective, as it turns out, and it is not my favorite.
The only time I would find myself lost or frustrated, was when I returned to old ideas, beliefs, or patterns of counterproductive decision making.
The past definitely needed to be sorted through, not so that I could identify people that deserved to be blamed for my circumstances, but so I could see where I got off track in self-parenting. Maybe others contributed to some of my confusion, but if I can sort it out today, I could have then.
The fact remained that I wasn't going to face the hard truths of what it took to mature and evolve into my true-self, until I was ready. I inadvertently held onto what wasn't working longer than any sanity would have allowed. It was like holding onto the ski rope after my water skis had fallen off, and everyone in the boat was yelling, “Just let go!” To me, that felt like giving up, and since then, I have learned so much about “surrender”. Surrender, in the right way at the right time, is where my freedom generates.
Like piles of rocks and log jams in a stream that alter the current, so did the good and bad influences in my life. I am not referring to substance abuse as much as role-models, manipulators, and in-betweens. Looking back, clearing out, and trusting the flow is different from ruminating, placing blame, and freaking out, but the actions may look the same for someone observing from the shore that is unaware of the process of self-reflection. I used to look at these obstacles as problems I needed to solve, fix, or correct. I have surrendered the responsibility to change the world, and the things I don't like within it. It may surprise you at times to watch me float on by.
The course that my stream will take is ultimately out of my control, but I can take care of it along the way. I can observe, enjoy, dive in, or beach it for a time. I can clean up garbage and debris, and cruise past suck-holes and whirlpools too. It's all beautiful, it's all good, and it's all as it should be. The question is, how can I best live out my higher purpose today?
For me, it starts with a deep breath, and a few minutes to let go of the problems I have with a world that spins regardless of how I feel about it.
Thank you for letting me share. It is time to set sail, and the Wind is looking good from here on out.
