Today is Day 2
Today is Day Two. I have eighty-eight more days. There is no rush. I will let the days come to me, and welcome the lessons alongside like an old wise horse. I do not know what I will discover, and it will be okay if nothing arrives. The purpose is in the joy. The walk is one in faith.
At the apex, scotch pines stood in line. The crest of the hill met the one hundred mile horizon. I thought of my sister-in-law that recently lost her sister-in-life to cancer. The magpies called to one another above the breeze.
Day 3 felt like I woke up on a boat. I felt so nauseous, and a dizzy spell came over me when I stood. My two minds were at odds.
Lay back down, you don't want to do this today. You're not going to finish this anyway, so why punish yourself…Peter, we are still in detox. Old wounds, new wounds, and in betweens are locked in deep. These changes release blockages that you will work through. Breathe through, and let it pass, you know it will. Go easy now.
I took a calm shower and slowly readied myself. My balance returned and though I was not bouncing out the door…I was ready.
Day 4 started with a herd of elk. Over 100 of them gathered on the West side of town. The abundance of snow made their food source difficult to reach, and the fresh green shoots growing in the pasture land at the base of the foothills must have had that extra sweet juice they were looking for. I headed up the mountain to tour the backcountry.
The snow was perfect beneath my skis. On the descent, I passed two older men separately, and I thought it was okay if they were future versions of myself.
Day 5 and Day 6 were hikes before work and they were short. I like them to bring energized breath and intentional movements. Tuning into specific muscle groups, as well as specific muscle fibers. Some need to relax, and others need to engage. Stretch and strengthen into shape.
A sauna and cold shower therapy session brought tolerance to the extremes. A shift in mindset is developing as well as the physical experience itself.
The dawn is calling for the day.
Day 7 is here, and started flat. The body was not interested in the climb. I had to breathe intentionally and correctly in order to arrive in the moment.
Day 8 brought in a fog. No desire to wake up, and every excuse to stay in bed. I am not being asked by God, or anyone, to do this, but I am resetting my internal clock and breathing patterns.
I am grateful to have this moment in my life to do so.
For so long I had bought into chasing outcomes. Every day had an element of needing something to come through. If it didn't, I would obsess over how the pieces needed to be rearranged, replaced, or reprimanded so that I could relax and be happy. I wanted to be done with working so hard to get what I needed to make life worth it. People just weren't getting with the program.
When and how that obsession will be dissolved is evolving, but letting things be how they are is the work. My routine will help me feel the groove and ground beneath my feet. Focusing on rejuvenated breathing will bring peace to my morning. The fog only lasts a little while before the sun burns its way through.
Day 9 and 10 were tough wake ups too. “Why do I need to do this?” Is the internal negative commentary that just needs no attention. I get out there and I love it. I wouldn't change my decision for every duck, eagle, turkey, deer, elk, or random human that waves back. I do this so that my routine stays positive. So that I don't forget about the magic that surrounds us. If Negativity wins the experience becomes Groundhog Day. If I immerse myself into the present moment, the experience becomes Heaven.
Day 11 felt more of a natural flow getting up and onto the trail. Motivation for cabin living is to not have to drive there first. I will start changing my trailheads for added entertainment value.
Change happens slowly, but it damn sure happens. I am able to change my routine, and the changes that come from that are up to the play of life. So it is important that I make healthy, realistic changes that will enhance the experience.
Day 12 was a short one before work. 1.5 miles with some friendly climbing. Just a trail with a name on a map. It makes a loop meaning you end up where you started. Figure out the point in that?
Day 13 brought the wind, which can blow the clouds away. The day is forecasted to be warm. I practiced walking backwards, uphill and down. We'll see what happens next.
…what came up next…
My doctor has guided me towards breathing exercises that have led to some next level breakthroughs. I receive mental, physical, emotional gains and also some practical advice from my higher power. Today, while I was just sitting there minding my own business, the message came through that fasting in the afternoons and evenings needs to be added to my daily routine. Let It be so…
Day 14 and 15 was even more wind and a reality check. My Friday/Saturday turnaround is too much to ask of me for sleep purposes, so I will make that available as a rest morning.
Day 16 is blowing wind and feeling the burn from short sleep. I will go to the gym at 7ish as a fill- in.
So tight at my very core. Like a wet towel wrung out until it twists into knots. It became such a familiar condition that I had accepted it. A kink, a hitch, a tweak is all it ever was until it became a problem that had locked me up in a vise.
Unwinding has been the purpose.
Day 19 my commitment resolved after 17 and 18 were going through the motions finding trails closer to home. I have never been good at sitting still. I tried but I just couldn't. I was always squirming in my seat whether it be at church, at school, or driving in my car. Most of the time I am not aware of it, but there has always been a sting of sorts in my hip. I was never able to describe it well enough to get a proper diagnosis. I would meet with doctors, or trainers, or physical therapist and all of them would give me exercises but it never got to the root of the matter. In fact, I would often add injury to my injury in the pursuit of getting stronger, or more flexible to relieve the tension and the pain. This process has opened up access to a part of my body that shutdown a long time ago. I am meeting, feeling, and using my pelvic floor for the first time. I am beginning to sense that this is only the beginning.
Day 20 was just as calm and pastel as the day before. The pace started quicker. I let my breath lead the way. Low breathing. Engaging the root muscle system. Awakening in a new sequence and foundation.
Day 21 the trailhead was closed for mud, so I went across the highway to Hall Ranch, which was open. Four miles and a few dozen deer. I am going to bring apples and carrots next time. It felt like I had two legs today. Usually it feels like one-and-a-half at best.
Day 22 Saturday Sunset. This is the new rule. I need some sleep in between a night shift/morning shift turnaround. A bike ride happened after work, so a gym stretch when the sun goes down will be the way today.
Day 23 the sun rose at 6:23 a.m.. The distant clouds on the horizon hung like strings of rose gold plated popcorn.
The message that comes through clearly this morning is that there are messages constantly flowing through. All the frequencies of thought are producing information and it's mostly good, but so much can be too much. Where is the control valve? Why does it become so chaotic and overwhelming?
Day 24 came with an automatic four miles. The machine took its time to warm up, but was cruising more smoothly over the terrain. The warmer days are here and near. Rain is here and near as well. Tomorrow is another day.
Day 25 was raining at dawn. I was at the trail by 7:15, and the dry ground had sponged the trails. I fished for trout, needlessly, but right outside the passenger side was an unmarked trailhead that climbed five hundred feet to the top of a Ridge, and that was a nice way to crack the whip. Unfortunately, I let annoyance soak the day.
Some really good things happened, and I will make note…I was there to see a corner turned, and seeds did sprout for the most unsuspecting of gardeners.
Day 26, 27, 28 were gut checks, button pushers, cloud bursting…and character revealing, for me. The path is calling me forward. I am receiving no signs to stop, or turn around. Now is the way through.
Day 29 I woke up and took a picture of the truck and the snow at sunrise. I am sick this morning. It was four advil at 4 a.m. to help me sleep.
Day 30 and I woke up still with cold symptoms, and the weather to match. It's okay, tomorrow is another day, and I have not gone backwards.
